I love my life.
I do. But sometimes I get overwhelmed and frustrated, especially when I’m tired. I know I haven’t gotten the sleep I’ve needed lately. If Mom was alive today she’d say, “Julie, you’re burning the candle at both ends.” (I can only imagine how she would think I’ve lost my mind keeping up with my current schedule.) That might explain why I had my second “meltdown” in a week last night.
Walking into our home after working all day yesterday, I was met with shoes covering the entry way floor, dirty dishes on the counter, clothes on bedroom floors, laundry to do, clean clothes to fold, dinner to make, work to complete, a workout to squeeze in…and on top of it all, I was exhausted! Tears filled my eyes. I rehearsed my day in my mind…I woke up at 4:45am to do some work and have some “quiet time,” left home at 7:15, got Zach to school, attended Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), made phone calls on the way to the Mission, helped with lunch at Mission of Hope, inhaled my lunch, had two meetings yesterday afternoon, and left the Mission at 4:45 to pick up Zach from Grandma’s. We walked in the door after 6pm to the mess I described above.
That’s when I had my meltdown.
I wanted to crawl in a hole. I wantd to run away. I wanted yell and scream…but I chose to workout first. I made dinner, then began to work on everything I could. I’m thankful God stretched my time to be able to get everything done, but when I sat down to do my BSF lesson at our dining room table before retiring for the night, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
I should have done my lesson first…and sought God first.
When I woke this morning at 5am, our home looked “livable.” Not up to my standards, but livable. I again left home at 7:15, took Zach to school, had my first meeting at 8am at Mission of Hope, second meeting at 9:30am, and a full day there until 4:30. I took Zach to practice, and sat in my car waiting until he was done. I went prepared with my BSF lesson, and as I was doing today’s questions, I fell asleep!! The next thing I knew, I was waking up…I had napped in the car for a half-hour! I need more sleep!
Tonight, Matthew 11:28 is running through my mind…”Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” If I would have gone to God first last night, I might not have had my meltdown.
I am NOT superwoman! I can’t do all that’s on my plate alone. I need help. I think my family may finally realize that after my meltdown #2 last night. I also can’t do anything without God’s help, and resting in Him often. I need a retreat weekend soon!
I know my family is not used to me working outside the home…I have worked from home for the last sixteen-plus years. And I’m not home during the day anymore to do the things I used to do. We are all going through transition with my job, Bill’s hours, school work, and sports schedules. We are in this together, and are desperately trying to keep God in the middle of it all!
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Signing off to go to Him. Good night!
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