What do I write on a night like this?
I watched a grieving family lay their son to rest today. My heart ached for them as I sat there in the pew during the funeral. My heart ached for me, as memories of Ron and of the times we shared flashed through my mind. My heart ached for the friend sitting next to me whom I consider like a brother to me. Tears filled his eyes and mine multiple times.
I met Ron’s father and mother. It blessed me to look into his mom’s eyes. One mother to another. I saw tears, pain, sorrow and questions. Ron hadn’t lived with them for… maybe eight years? I guessed at some of the emotions she might be experiencing, and I’m sure I missed most of them. She said they still don’t know how their son died. His death is considered a homicide. That’s about all the information they have received.
She thanked me for sharing my post about Ron on the online obituary tribute. She said it gave her great comfort knowing Ron had friends where he lived and people in his life who cared about and for him. She asked what kind of things we do at Mission of Hope. And I was happy to share. She was also happy to hear Ron had received his driver’s license recently.
I found myself asking multiple times ‘why?’ Why, God? Why Ron? He had a full life ahead of him. I can only imagine the great things he would do. But God had different plans. This asking reminded me of a devotion I read this morning from Joyce Meyer…
“When we ask that question (‘why?’), I think the real questions we’re asking God are: ‘God, do You love me? Will You take care of me in my sorrow and pain? You won’t leave me alone, will You?’ Is it possible that, because we’re afraid God doesn’t truly care about us, we ask for explanations?
Instead, we must learn to say: ‘Lord, I believe. I don’t understand, and I’ll probably never grasp all the reasons bad things happen, but I know for certain that You love me and are with me, always.’
Prayer Starter: God, I believe in You, even when circumstances try to fill my mind with doubt. Help me to remember Your love for me and to put my faith in You, no matter what happens.”
I won’t ever understand why Ron was killed. I know God loved Ron. I know God loves me. And I feel it’s okay to ask God why. Even if He answered me, I’m not sure that would make a difference. We can’t begin to wrap our minds around the things of God…or at least I can’t. But I trust Him, and I believe God, in His sovereignty, called Ron home.
Ron was someone pretty special. I’ll miss his voice. I’ll miss his incredible smile. I’ll miss him calling me “Mamma.” I’ll miss his humor. But most of all, I’ll miss him. And I’ll look forward to the day I get to see him again.
Hug your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends tonight. Tell them how very special they are. Tell them you love them. That’s what I’m doing this evening.
God bless you, friends! You’re special to me.
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