How on earth did I get here? How could it be that at 49.9 years old I’m in an electrophysiology lab at our local hospital?
Oh, I knew how I physically got there. But in that moment on early Monday morning, all sorts of emotions and thoughts and realities filled my mind. I was walking through another adventure with God and in a minute I’d experience a cardiac electrophysiology test, and if necessary, an ablation.
My cardiac electrophysiologist would go into my heart through a vein in my groin and figure out what areas of my heart were misfiring and cauterize those areas. What??
Did you catch that INTO part?
Wires and probes and stuff would enter INTO my heart. That little four-letter word sent me (and still does send me) into a tailspin. Yikes.
For over 10 years I’ve sporadically experienced strange heart rhythms. They usually happen when I least expect them, and they might be fast-paced or erratic. Twice I’ve ended up in the E.R. to get my heart put back in rhythm. After my last episode the beginning of October, my cardiologist suggested this procedure.
My mother had similar heart issues (bless her heart!), so we’re guessing I follow in her footsteps. Heart issues are nothing to mess around with, right? Complications from my mom’s issues eventually took her life, so I am well aware of the potential severity.
Maybe that’s why I couldn’t shake the nervousness leading up to my procedure.
Maybe that’s why I had a terrible feeling something bad was going to happen. I wasn’t sure what, or how, but I was nervous and the people around me knew it. Bill reminded me again and again, no matter what happens, God is in control.
Yes He is.
I live in the reality that God is in control of every moment.
It’s that very truth that settles me most days. It’s what I cling to when life feels out of control. Sure, it may be out of my control, but it’s never out of God’s. I chose to trust God instead of trusting my own feelings of helplessness and worry.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NASB
A friend sent me an image Sunday evening that calmed my heart before bed. It read, “Don’t worry about tomorrow… God is already there!” It included Jeremiah 29:11–
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)
I was able to rest well that night before my procedure, knowing whatever would happen on that surgery table on Monday morning it would be according to God’s plans for me and for my future.
Arriving at the hospital at 6 a.m., a calm had settled over me. After being prepped for my procedure (the bladder catheter was the worst!), I found myself in that sterile, extremely cold, bright-with-so-many-lights room. Asking the question, how did I get here?
All I could do was trust and pray.
And, that’s what I did. Since I was only sedated, I can remember waking to the feeling of terrible pain in my chest. It was the worst. On the screen next to me I could see my heart rhythm jump all over the place. A tear escaped from each eye and trickled down towards my ears, and I can remember my anesthesiologist wiping away each one.
In that moment I chose to trust and pray.
It’s hard to describe, but it seemed like forever, yet only a few minutes. Before I knew it (three hours later), I was wheeled back to recovery, and Bill and two of my brothers joined me.
Even though it didn’t go perfectly, my procedure was a success.
During the procedure they couldn’t get my heart to go into atrial fibrillation (AFib) to cauterize that problem area. However, they were able to do enough tests to fix my supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) issue. I guess that sometimes happens. Sure, I wish both were fixed, but I pray God took care of the afib issue with fixing the SVT issue!
Friend, are you facing a challenging situation? Something that’s out of your control? Something that all you can do is trust and pray? Maybe you’re not facing a physical heart issue like I was, but if we’re on this earth, we’re likely to face something.
Trust and pray.
God’s got you and He’s got this. Just as He was with me, He’s with you. And, He’s not going to leave you.
As I recover, I’m sore, but I’m feeling well. I still can’t lift anything over 5 pounds and I’m unable to drive. But, I’m thankful. I’m trusting and praying. I’ll keep you posted as I walk this adventure out. Thanks for journeying with me, friend!
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Oh my goodness! Sending up prayers for you at this very moment! I see that you wrote this a week ago so I’m hoping that you are feeling much better by now!!! Your message to pray and trust (I switched the order because trust doesn’t come easily for me so I need to remember to pray first) is so important for all of us! Please let us know how you’re doing! Until then my friend, I’ll be keeping you in my prayers!
Oh, Cindy, you’re so sweet. Thank you for your concern. I’m doing very well now. Thank you also for the beautiful card that arrived in my mailbox Friday. I appreciate your prayers so much! Thank you, thank you!! Love you, friend.