I’m staying close.
I can’t come up with the words to be able to adequately explain how good it feels to not be caught in the “rat race” of life right now.
Part of me feels a twinge of guilt for having this time to be refreshed and rejuvenated.
Part of me has a lingering concern in the back of my mind about our monthly income.
Also, part of me feels like I’m floundering with a change in my schedule during this time of transition.
Part of me has had to really let go of the deceptive sources of where I might have unconsciously found my self-worth, and to be once again grounded in the One whom true self-worth comes from.
And yet, at the same time, I’m so thankful to have this time to rest, to draw close to my Lord, to seek His will for my life and what He might have next for me to do, to have time to “think out of the box” and see new possible opportunities, and to be able to minister to my family in ways I feel I haven’t been able to for the last five years.
I’ve had a few dreams during nights of sleep lately in which I have taken to heart. Oftentimes I don’t remember my dreams, and when I do, rarely do they make sense to me. But these two have really stood out. One was a few weeks ago…I was attending a huge conference for my business and I was miserable while I was there. I wanted nothing more than to come home. In another dream, from just last night, I was hired by a local company. And I had the sinking feeling after being hired that I made a terrible mistake when I realized that I would have to sacrifice the morning time I have now with my son.
The feelings and emotions were so real during these dreams. I don’t know 100% what these meant, but I believe God is guiding me to not rush into anything. He’s got something for me. Something I may not even see right now. I’m asking Him to prepare me and to show me. And whatever it is, with Him, I know it’s going to be good.
During the last five years I have experienced a pretty steady monthly income, on top of the income my business has provided for our family. It’s a little scary not having that now. But my eyes have been opened to the fact that…that income was a false sense of security. I probably wouldn’t have walked away from that if God hadn’t pulled me out.
I wait, and trust, and stay close.
But since He did, I know He will provide for me and for our family. So… I wait, and I trust. I’ve had to–daily, hourly, even often times within an hour–consciously turn my thoughts away from the unknown future and to focus them on trusting Him completely.
Wednesday’s devotion was more than perfect for where I was/am at:
“The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me, the One who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always beside you, helping you face today’s waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay close to Me.” – Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
Laughing at the future? I’m not quite there yet. But I’m staying close to Jesus. And that’s the best place I can be. 🙂
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