Life isn’t making any sort of sense right now.
I feel like our lives have been put in a holding pattern at the moment.
As I write this, I’m watching my daughter sleep soundly for the first time in 72 hours…of all places in a hospital bed. This hospital room has been our home for the last 36 hours and will be for the next few days.
I was thinking today about this hospital. This is where I was born. This hospital is where Bill was born. This is where I gave birth to both Ali and Zach. And this is the hospital that I said goodbye to Mom in…just a couple floors down.
I have a lot of history here. I certainly never expected to end up here this weekend. We had great plans for this weekend. But I guess God has a different plan.
Ali has been in severe and constant pain since Wednesday night. Finally tonight we have turned a corner with the right pain meds. After many tests, and through many long hours, it has been determined she has an severe inflammation in her colon, probably from an infection…with no known cause at this point. Culture results on Monday morning should tell us much more.
I’ve been through the gamut of emotions…fear, apprehension, sadness, despair, relief, exhaustion, loneliness, grief, and even a little joy. I don’t know what I’d do without Bill and Zach in all of this, and I’m thankful for our many friends and family who have reached out to Ali and to our family.
It gets lonely here at night. I’ve had my wrestling matches with God, especially last night through tears, asking why and for what purpose. Nothing has been revealed to me except to trust Him in this, and that He’s with us. I can’t look too far into the future…just taking one step at a time, keeping my focus on Him.
Everything else has been put on hold, except for Ali and her health. I haven’t left the hospital today. It looked beautiful outside, and I heard it was. But my priority is Ali right now. Everything else can wait. I will go home and do a few things in the morning, including taking a shower! I look forward to even that at this point!
Life doesn’t make sense some times. That’s especially when I need to focus on what I can’t see. I will keep you posted, but in the meantime, we would certainly appreciate your prayers for Ali’s healing and peace for our family!
And hey, we got about three hours of sleep last night, and I can’t remember the last time I went to bed before 10pm…I get to tonight! 🙂
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