As I sit here at our kitchen table late tonight, sipping on some Sleepytime tea, can I be completely real with you?
Friends, I’m tired.
My eyes seem especially tired, as I’ve shed many tears this evening.
When I walked out of Mission of Hope this afternoon, it was for the last time…as far as I know now. I found myself feeling so uncomfortable and so unwanted there this afternoon. God confirmed to me again that I was to “get out.” There was no doubt in my mind that my time there had come to an end.
When I climbed into my car, turned the ignition and the heat on, and backed out of “my” parking spot for the last time, tears began to fill my eyes.
I said out loud to God, “Why does it have to be like this?” I was then reminded again of what my husband, Bill has said to me for weeks…”It had to be something this drastic to get you out of there.” And he was (and is) right. I could have stayed there for as long as possible. I would have stayed there for Tina. I would have stayed there for the people. But God has so definitely moved me out. I had to obey Him.
And the circumstances were not what I would have chosen. But I know without a doubt that God is in this. He allowed these circumstances for His glory and for my good. And with that, I move on.
When I walked into the door here at home, I was met with much love from Bill and my son. There was no stopping the tears…streaming down my face…to the point I couldn’t muster a word. I felt so bad for them as they looked at me with helpless stares. All they could do was hug me. And I welcomed that.
I was overwhelmed with sadness. How could something once so beautiful and pure change to be something so full of heartache and pain? I wasn’t expecting any of these emotions. I truly felt “blindsided.” I was a mess! (Ask my husband…he’ll confirm it.) Bless his heart. He did everything humanly possible to help me, to comfort me, and to encourage me. Again…I don’t know what I’d do without him.
But thinking back, I do believe God spared me so much heartache today. The weather was nasty most of the day, which kept the majority of our Mission friends at home. I didn’t get to say goodbye to most of the people I wanted to, and I see now that God’s hand was in that too. I’m not sure I could have gotten through that.
Largely because of Bill’s prompting, we met Tina, Marcia and their husbands, and our friends Sue and Gary for a celebration dinner tonight. We were the last ones to arrive, and when we walked in the door, more tears came as they greeted us with hugs, tears and smiles. Oh, how dear these friends are to me! For the next couple of hours, we laughed, we cried, we shared, and had so much healing fun together. It was just what this girl needed.
And so tonight, as I close down this day, I am thankful. I am thankful for the unbelievable opportunity God gave me to love those whom He brought to the Mission. I will miss them incredibly. I am thankful for the beautiful friendships he began with me there in which I look forward to growing in the future. I am thankful for what He has taught me about others and about Himself. And I’m thankful for the most supportive family a woman could ever ask for. And I look forward to a new chapter in my life as I close out this one.
And…I look forward to a good night’s sleep. 🙂 I feel I can now move on. There is still much healing that I’m asking God to help me with. At the same time, I’m looking forward to seeing what He might have for me next. For the next few weeks though, I’m going to soak in all I can with my family, with Christmas, and with my Lord.
Thank you for being a part of my journey!
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